Texts to: Everyone

[bestfuneralever]

hey.
this is klaus
this is a mass txt
do u no where i am?
cuz i dont
im lost
send help

Comments

[bestfuneralever]

fuuuuk
no1 shld lvev me w/o adult supervision tbh

[lucky_no_7]

You say that as if any of us are actually adults tho.

Oh wait, 5.

[bestfuneralever]

The kid-est looking of all of us is also the adultiest
theres some kinda bullshit in play on that one
js

[lucky_no_7]

Karma making it up to him for having to wear short pants again?

[bestfuneralever]

[That's it. That's the entire text. Sorry, Luce.]

[lucky_no_7]

You know I'm right!

[He's just lucky she knows how to translate Klaus to English]

[bestfuneralever]

u have like this uncanny knack 4 it & everything

[lucky_no_7]

I have an uncanny knack for being right about things with predictable outcomes.
Karma is WILDLY unpredictable.

[bestfuneralever]

&& yet....

[And yet, what, Klaus? There were never other words to that not-even-a-sentence, were there?]

[lucky_no_7]

I'm just REALLY GOOD at guessing. Or making shit up.
N E WAY, you've got Charlie to the rescue, what you still talking to me for?

[bestfuneralever]

both r good
idk seemed rude to just disappear?

[lucky_no_7]

Fair point.
And tbh we all know someone should stay on with you until she gets there.

[bestfuneralever]

seeee
so i shld talk 2 u!

[lucky_no_7]

So fun fact I have discovered about your current favorite doughnut shop it WAS a mob front, but then the owner found out doughnuts were more profitable and he was better at it anyway.
So it went legit in like, the 50s.
But then the neighborhood got bad, business declined and he sold it.

[bestfuneralever]

wtf
u srsly just looked that up?
or r u making it up
i mean id never know either way, lbr

[lucky_no_7]

Looked it up!
I mean, mostly it's just 'heard it from a guy who knew somebody' but enough of those all stacked up usually means most of the story's legit.

[bestfuneralever]

fair

what r ud oin anyway

[lucky_no_7]

Besides making sure you don't get abducted before Charlie gets there you mean?
Inventing sandwiches.

[bestfuneralever]

what kind of sandwiches tho

[lucky_no_7]

Whatever's in the pantry and the fridge.
So far turkey&jam is the worst, but grill one of Five's pb&ms and it's even better.

[bestfuneralever]

turkey&jam just SOUNDS awful that ... sounds promising might have 2 remember that later

[lucky_no_7]

I mean, a little bit of jam in a ham&cheese is great, especially if you've got fancy cheese, I wanted to see if it held up with other meats, it didn't.
and yeah! warm peanut butter sounds like a not great idea at first, but the oils in it start to make the marshmallows all goopy, it's amazing.

[bestfuneralever]

that also sounds gross, luce wtf y r u puttin jam on meat


[In case you were wondering, yes, he is still very much a 15yr old boy, mentally, you're welcome.]

no no i def like melty peanut butter its the best part of putting it on toast
so tbh this sounds perfect

[lucky_no_7]

Sweet/savory, it's a gourmand thing you ill-sophisticated gremlin.

[She's fully aware, the same way she knows he'll know the insult is a joke, though they generally are with her anyway.]

Still don't understand how you can put peanut butter on toast, that's just, ugh. MAYBE pancakes, but only maybe.

[bestfuneralever]

gour-what? idk what that even means
stop making up words lucy
i am not a gremlin u can ttly feed me after midnight

ITS THE BEST KINDA TOAST
p.s. waffles r betr