Mom | Grace Hargreeves (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stepfordbot) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
umbrellajackassery2019-04-22 07:03 pm
stepfordbot) wrote in umbrellajackassery2019-04-22 07:03 pm
SYNTAX ERROR: PLEASE DEFINE 'SELF' [ OTA ]
They'd been doing well. The world hadn't ended, five was home, the house was full- they'd celebrated. They'd danced and laughed and lived and had fun as normal families do. They reached out to one another to build a better understanding, they spoke more than they ever did in their youth without the specter of Reginald hanging overhead. It'd been light in the mansion. Full of joy. Potential. For the first time since her creation Grace could say without a shadow of a doubt, she was happy. Without a single qualifier or exception. Happy except for the things she had to endure hearing Reginald say about the children. Happy except for how she wasn't allowed to truly be happy.
She was allowed to feel, to express that feeling. She was allowed to change her appearance outside of the strictly defined aesthetics painted onto her by her creator.
And then the ghost. The specter, the threat of everything she managed to recover, to build being taken away again. Of being pared down to the bare doll of a thing she'd drifted about as just after Reginald's death. Reminded in so many ways she has a place and a purpose and it isn't what she wanted- because she isn't meant to want anything.
She's a tool. There are rules.
It means resuming the old routine. The old appearance. All the lovely clothing the children, her children helped her choose folded away in her closet, unworn. Back to the old swingdresses and pincurls, the carefully painted lips and penciled brow. Back to stiffly, mechanically baking and preparing tea at a certain hour. Back to filling the dessert case, a single deviation from the old programming, because the kids are upset. They snack more when they're upset and cookies make everything better. How many batches she's baked now- she doesn't know. She's lost count. The counter and cooler are full of pies, cakes, and pastry, sweet after sweet kneaded, shaped, baked, and dusted with sugar. Flour on her hand and apron but not a curl out of place- not a single, lilting note sung under her breath. Grace bakes in absolute silence.
She was allowed to feel, to express that feeling. She was allowed to change her appearance outside of the strictly defined aesthetics painted onto her by her creator.
And then the ghost. The specter, the threat of everything she managed to recover, to build being taken away again. Of being pared down to the bare doll of a thing she'd drifted about as just after Reginald's death. Reminded in so many ways she has a place and a purpose and it isn't what she wanted- because she isn't meant to want anything.
She's a tool. There are rules.
It means resuming the old routine. The old appearance. All the lovely clothing the children, her children helped her choose folded away in her closet, unworn. Back to the old swingdresses and pincurls, the carefully painted lips and penciled brow. Back to stiffly, mechanically baking and preparing tea at a certain hour. Back to filling the dessert case, a single deviation from the old programming, because the kids are upset. They snack more when they're upset and cookies make everything better. How many batches she's baked now- she doesn't know. She's lost count. The counter and cooler are full of pies, cakes, and pastry, sweet after sweet kneaded, shaped, baked, and dusted with sugar. Flour on her hand and apron but not a curl out of place- not a single, lilting note sung under her breath. Grace bakes in absolute silence.
no subject
There had to be a way. Peter might know something. Hell, there were enough smart people here that it can't all be that bad. Right? He hated to say it this way but, maybe there is someone who can reprogram her to not give a shit about the old man.
"You seemed so happy before this, Mom."
no subject
But a human is more than a cat. And under the paint and the hair and the lights, she's more than human, designed to withstand so much and nowhere near enough to keep them safe. Grace's lips twist, a beading of lubrication gathering at the corners of her eyes, dripping. "I don't know what of me would be left if you took all of him away."
Even if it would free her- she doesn't know. She can't point to any portion of her code and say for certain what is her or what is developed by Reginald.
no subject
"They'd just have to find the code that forces you to do what he says. They wouldn't have to change anything else." One hand let go to lift, to touch her cheek, his thumb rubbing the lubrication away. "It can't hurt to at least let them look. To see if it's possible. You seemed so happy, actually happy before he showed up again."
He knows this is about father. He knows she's upset. He just wished he could help her some how.